I tell you what. I named this blog correctly. 20/20. It alllllll seems so clear AFTER the fact. AFTER we've experienced cause and effect. If we would have turned in one direction - we would have wound up at destination 'A'. On the other hand, a simple shift in the other direction...destination 'B'. And so forth. I know we all wish there was some sort of barometer to gauge which directions will have the biggest impact on our lives. The kind of impact we DESIRE. Unfortunately, there is not. And we act on blind faith alone most of the time. Where we end up and what we get out of it is the direct result of that decision. And we must then live with the results. Can it be changed? Can we steer towards other coordinates? Well sure, I suppose it's possible. Only, is there enough TIME left?
That's the question.
Do you have enough TIME to change directions? Begin a new course and arrive at our desired destination? I mean, what is time? Does it exist? In the sense that we hold it in as, in our minds, as a measurable, tangible entity? Or is TIME beyond our comprehension? Baah, that's another inquisition altogether. Right now, what I'm getting at is this: When is it too late to change course in our life? How do we know? Now don't get me completely wrong. I don't lament that my position in this life is not where I desire to be. Because at the end of the day, I chose this life. I KNOW this right? Once upon a time in my own life, I made some big decisions. Whether they were "good" or "bad" decisions is irrelevant. I made them. So I simply MUST deal with the results of those actions today. Do I want to change course at this point? I can't lie. I do. Not in all aspects of my life, mind you. There are some things in my life that I would not change for an instant. And THAT will never change. But let's just say that... maybe I would have been a better plumber than an electrician? At what point is it too late to ponder this query? I mean, because there HAS to be a point of no return. Right?
I suppose every person has questioned their own journey at one point or another. I imagine it is normal. But then again, I've never been "normal" by society's standards so I guess I wouldn't know in all actuality. My Dad, rest in peace, would have some great advice for me now if he were still on this earth. Would I listen? If history serves me correctly...no. But that's just it! Why can't I CHANGE that?? Take a different route and actually LISTEN. I guess that's one to walk with. One for me to figure out for myself.
I used to want to be "famous". And everything that came with it. Even though I had NO IDEA what came with it. I know I still wanted it. Hmmph. Ask me today and I will tell you that I merely want to be HAPPY doing what I do. Yup. Simply...happy. If "famous" isn't attached to that then woop-dee-fuckin-doo. I could give a shit less about fame anymore. I have been through enough situations that I now know that fame, in all it's so called glory, may be the farthest thing from what I currently desire. I simply want to wake up everyday, kiss my wife & kids, get in my less than famous car and happily go to my place of livelihood. And LIVE. Is that too much to ask? For some, including myself, it just may be. But who and/or what do I have to blame if I'm NOT in that oh so coveted position that I endeavor? That's right. ME. The man I see in my reflection.
**exhales**
There is really no point to this entry for me. Other than to spill my own guts to myself. Come to Jesus with myself. Help ME to help myself.. to move ON. Get some sleep at night. And stop thinking about it. Agonizing over it. Dissecting it, over and over again, searching for answers that I may never find. What I'm searching for, I believe they call it........inner peace.
My friends, if you have that today, hold tight to it. Relish in it! Value and cherish it because the soul who has not inner peace, is a tortured soul. Take it from me.
Mr. Miserable. But he puts on a good face haha!
**lights a cigarette**
....I tell you what. If my life, my mere existence and experience can benefit just ONE other soul on this hell we call earth...then I will consider it all worth it. Regardless of whether or not I get to the promised land myself. Maybe YOU will. Maybe you won't.....
The choice is yours.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
LCV RELEASE DATE: 2/8/11
Mike Skidilz here with another entry for "Things We See In Hindsight". Well, it's that time finally! Time to put this album out and get busy. I realize I have said that this album would come out sooner, numerous times, but I can NOW say with absolute certainty that it will drop on February 8th, 2011. Now I gotta say, this is a STREET record! Ain't no radio records on it. It's not meant to bump when you tryna chill with your lady and shit. This one is for the HEADS that wanna hear that hardcore! UNDERGROUND ill B-side type shits. Now Mike Skilz next project will sound different lemme assure you. But this one is for my ACES. ALL my ACES, (Yes YOU), that have EVER touched a mic, spit some rhymes, sampled a classic, concocted a beat, scratched a record, graffiti'd a wall, promoted a show or REPRESENTED in ANY way for the Lake City Hip Hop scene. I love you all. And I believe that this will finally be the year that we form as ONE to put OURSELVES on the map once & for all!! Now who's wit me??? **ACES HIGH**
Now not to get off the subject but as you are reading this, I am going through one of the most exciting times of my life....but also one of the most challenging. It's been a tug of war between my emotions. A battle with myself, within my own mind. Whatever decisions we make in life, they have a lasting effect whether we realize it or not. I don't want to get too much into the details of my little "war within" but I will say this: WHATEVER HAPPENS.. IS WHAT WAS MEANT TO BE. So BE it. And let us BE the BEST that WE CAN BE while we do so. I will be seeing you around fam. Amen.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
2011
And so a NEW year is upon us and I can honestly say that I am looking forward to it. To start the year off right, I will finally be releasing my debut solo album "LCV" to the people. I'd like to elaborate on it a bit if I may...
I spoke earlier of being disappointed when opportunity knocked to find me unprepared. Well folks, I'm pleased to report that I am no longer disappointed. Nor angry. Regretful. Resentful. Nada. I am CONFIDENT. Excited. Optimistic. And relieved. Why? Because it will be a great weight lifted off of me with the release of LCV. I've been working on it for a while, me & Scarecrow Beats, and I know I been dropping hints about it but never came out with it. In other words I was only talkin' the talk! So it will feel good to walk the walk my friend. As I always have. This album see's a slew of talented artists appearing. Beats by some of the hottest 801 producers and guest verses from some of the Lake City's finest MC's. I'm proud of this one. And I hope you feel it too.
Further, I have resolved to make the necessary changes to enhance my state of being here on this soil & I'm CONFIDENT that there will be positive results! So all in all - 2011 WILL be the year. NOW is the time. I encourage all of you to give 100% to your own personal endeavors this year. And maybe you have been. But it's about to pay off friends. Because the time is upon us. And in spite of all my own self admitted un-productiveness in the past, I REFUSE to lose in the year of the ACES. Salud.
I spoke earlier of being disappointed when opportunity knocked to find me unprepared. Well folks, I'm pleased to report that I am no longer disappointed. Nor angry. Regretful. Resentful. Nada. I am CONFIDENT. Excited. Optimistic. And relieved. Why? Because it will be a great weight lifted off of me with the release of LCV. I've been working on it for a while, me & Scarecrow Beats, and I know I been dropping hints about it but never came out with it. In other words I was only talkin' the talk! So it will feel good to walk the walk my friend. As I always have. This album see's a slew of talented artists appearing. Beats by some of the hottest 801 producers and guest verses from some of the Lake City's finest MC's. I'm proud of this one. And I hope you feel it too.
Further, I have resolved to make the necessary changes to enhance my state of being here on this soil & I'm CONFIDENT that there will be positive results! So all in all - 2011 WILL be the year. NOW is the time. I encourage all of you to give 100% to your own personal endeavors this year. And maybe you have been. But it's about to pay off friends. Because the time is upon us. And in spite of all my own self admitted un-productiveness in the past, I REFUSE to lose in the year of the ACES. Salud.
Friday, December 17, 2010
DREAMS
"When I was young I figured if I became the stars...
maybe they wouldn't seem as far...
maybe I wouldn't dream as hard...
wanna stop, but all I hear is the applause...
I'm addicted to the energy because...
I wanna re-live it every minute that's a STAR" -Fashawn
I think there comes a point in every MC's career where he or she says : "I quit. I mean, why am I even doing this?" Consumed with over analyzations, doubts, questions, regrets and now we're seeing our glass as half full. You can ask anybody who's been doing this for a long time and they will tell you. It's HARD keeping that motivation! Especially when you still trying to get IN the game & it's not bringing NO money in and you got mouths to feed! **REAL LIFE**
Add that to the fact that you HAVE been investing your own money, maybe the family money, the rent money, the gas money, whatever - IN to your career and when times is tough it can make for awkward dinner times. Now I'm just talking in general. I can't say what it's like for you or what others have felt when they where considering giving up the mic. I'm just saying. And mind you - I'm not talking about giving up on LIFE here, I'm talking about ...redirecting our GOALS. One door closes, another one opens right??
Let's just get that straight. For the record and the sake of conversation we just talking about rap. Ok? Orale.
Anyways, before I move on, I have to admit that as far as putting money in ...and not seeing any money coming out - that's just part of the game.
I understand that. Nobody just GET's on, you build your shit up and it takes that to make that. But I'm here to tell you that it takes resilience and determination from your GOD space. To achieve your dreams people! Because whatever your obstacles are in your life, they seem to make themselves very apparent when you are trying to do something special.
*Resilience. Keep goin!*
Then there's the everyday grind. You know the one that pays your bills. Your bread & butter, don't shit there. I'm there to do a job and I got work to do. But then I gotta ask myself..am I truly giving it my ALL when my mind is focused on say, my album release? I gotta keep the lights on and a roof over my family.
*Determination. I am NOT going to give up! I've got to figure out a way to balance this.*
Again, I'm just speaking from my seat you know, my view.
It seem's that these circumstances sometimes ask that we make decisions. Big ones. Myself, I am now at a crossroads of sorts as I am in my thirties and I have my own youngsters entering a stage in their lives where they'll need me. I HAVE to be there for them. Period. I could see if I had achieved a certain level of success in the business already, we would have adapted by now. I'm sure it would be a different story. But I'm still just trying. So the question I ask myself is: what am I showing my kids? You know. At the end of the day, truly? The older I get the more I realize that I'm ultimately responsible for the stitching of their fabric. They are watching and "becoming" what they see. Take a look at yourself and see what qualities you have that were instilled by your parents' actions or mannerisms, you feel me? What kind of example am I setting? I gotta do SOMETHING and OH so precious time is getting shorter and shorter. Decisions, decisions to make.
What would you do?
maybe they wouldn't seem as far...
maybe I wouldn't dream as hard...
wanna stop, but all I hear is the applause...
I'm addicted to the energy because...
I wanna re-live it every minute that's a STAR" -Fashawn
I think there comes a point in every MC's career where he or she says : "I quit. I mean, why am I even doing this?" Consumed with over analyzations, doubts, questions, regrets and now we're seeing our glass as half full. You can ask anybody who's been doing this for a long time and they will tell you. It's HARD keeping that motivation! Especially when you still trying to get IN the game & it's not bringing NO money in and you got mouths to feed! **REAL LIFE**
Add that to the fact that you HAVE been investing your own money, maybe the family money, the rent money, the gas money, whatever - IN to your career and when times is tough it can make for awkward dinner times. Now I'm just talking in general. I can't say what it's like for you or what others have felt when they where considering giving up the mic. I'm just saying. And mind you - I'm not talking about giving up on LIFE here, I'm talking about ...redirecting our GOALS. One door closes, another one opens right??
Let's just get that straight. For the record and the sake of conversation we just talking about rap. Ok? Orale.
Anyways, before I move on, I have to admit that as far as putting money in ...and not seeing any money coming out - that's just part of the game.
I understand that. Nobody just GET's on, you build your shit up and it takes that to make that. But I'm here to tell you that it takes resilience and determination from your GOD space. To achieve your dreams people! Because whatever your obstacles are in your life, they seem to make themselves very apparent when you are trying to do something special.
*Resilience. Keep goin!*
Then there's the everyday grind. You know the one that pays your bills. Your bread & butter, don't shit there. I'm there to do a job and I got work to do. But then I gotta ask myself..am I truly giving it my ALL when my mind is focused on say, my album release? I gotta keep the lights on and a roof over my family.
*Determination. I am NOT going to give up! I've got to figure out a way to balance this.*
Again, I'm just speaking from my seat you know, my view.
It seem's that these circumstances sometimes ask that we make decisions. Big ones. Myself, I am now at a crossroads of sorts as I am in my thirties and I have my own youngsters entering a stage in their lives where they'll need me. I HAVE to be there for them. Period. I could see if I had achieved a certain level of success in the business already, we would have adapted by now. I'm sure it would be a different story. But I'm still just trying. So the question I ask myself is: what am I showing my kids? You know. At the end of the day, truly? The older I get the more I realize that I'm ultimately responsible for the stitching of their fabric. They are watching and "becoming" what they see. Take a look at yourself and see what qualities you have that were instilled by your parents' actions or mannerisms, you feel me? What kind of example am I setting? I gotta do SOMETHING and OH so precious time is getting shorter and shorter. Decisions, decisions to make.
What would you do?
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Studio Sessions pt 1
It was back in early 06'. Me & Joe were getting closer to wrapping up the GRUDGE Album. This was a time when we were starting to get a little name for ourselves around the town & started performing at local bars and such. Myspace was the thing and we had a pretty decent presence there with the SLC users. We were trying to build some hype for LUMP SUM to come out you know? You could say we were arrogant. Around that time, in our opinion, there were only a few heads that we saw as our direct competition in this local rap shit. No offense. As if it mattered, I guess it did then. It was only so many cats we respected as putting out hot shit. Don't ask me why but for some reason we felt that some of these same guys may have animosity towards us because they never said nothing to us. Never hollared. Nothing. You can already see how feeble & weak minded it was to have preconceived notions in your head like that. But it was what it was. It should be noted that we, on the other hand, were not saying nothing to them either. So guilty is as guilty does. None the less here we are carrying on recording, performing and I must say that some of the music we were making around that time had pretty violent undertones. It was who we were. It was our experiences to date and we were still making the transition from young men to grown men.
So one day we get a call out the blue from guess who...indeed, it was our friends that we had previously perceived as the "competition". Someone had reached out from their camp about a collaboration with one of their main artists. We accepted, albeit apprehensively. On the day we went to their studio to record, me & the homie met up and talked. We mutually decided that we had better go strapped. What if this was a set up? (why would it be?) All the wrong thoughts were present. I then found myself packin my semi auto in the small of my back. We walked in the studio when we got there and guess what?
IT WAS NOTHING BUT LOVE!
Imagine that. I layed my verse with the heat on me that day not because it was something I did regularly. But because I had convinced myself that I may have to USE it that day. As it turns out, we ended up being great friends with those cats and remain in good relations to this day. So all that for what? Not a damn thing.
A few weeks later we were getting ready for a pre-album-release gig at one of our favorite local venues. We were asked to perform by another local music head that we was cool with so we go to rock the shit. I remember the songs we did that night involved street scenarios and gun totin' to the maximum. I didn't even have a gun that night! To make matters worse, the show went rather shitty and we weren't happy with our performance. We left the place and started to make our way home. It was me, my wife, my partner and his girl. Made a stop to pick up our kids from the baby sitters in the hood when all of the sudden we noticed we picked up a tail. A late model sedan was clearly following us we decided, as we pulled up to the house. The fu@* is this? Me and my dumb ass wanting to act all hard says: let's get out and see what these suckas want! Me & the homie jump out, fam still in the suburban, to confront this vehicle who had also stopped when we did. That's when my whole life flashed before my eyes.
2 black silhouette's stepped out of the car and raised their firearms at us, squeezing off rounds. They emptied their clips and as we ran for cover, I could hear bullets whizzing past my head and hitting the house, pulling up the ground around me. Right then I felt one pass through my left leg. I heard a *snap* and my leg bent forward, the opposite way and I hit the ground. I remember clawing at the ground, getting dirt under my nails as I dragged myself to the side of my crib. I thought for sure I was dead. And what about my family?!?!? Oh they better not hurt my family!!! Muthaf@*kas!! I heard them speed away down the street as my wife and the homie came to my assistance. I couldn't walk. I had a perfect hole the shape of a 9mm bullet in one side of my leg. The exit wound not so perfect. The eery thing is: I didn't bleed. Yet anyway. Joe would go on to say that I predicted it in my rhymes and that when I said "I pray you don't let my blood spill on the 'crete" on the song "I Will" off the GRUDGE Album...that that's exactly what happened.
Spooky right?
I can honestly say that I believe I DID bring about those circumstances in my life. Today, I keep the necessary home protection but you won't catch me walkin around wearing my gun cuz I think I'm hard with it. No sir. What we rap about - what we talk about, how we carry ourselves - can and WILL have a direct impact on our lives! I stand here today with a half titanium leg to tell you that it's not worth it. It's not easy making changes. I've been in the process of refinement ever since. The moral of the story is: as an artist, decide "who" you are first, then accept whatever comes your way as a result. Guys like to talk about being a gangster and doin' dirt. Ok. The truth is, the real killas are either dead or in prison. Moving in silence. Not saying a damn thing.
So one day we get a call out the blue from guess who...indeed, it was our friends that we had previously perceived as the "competition". Someone had reached out from their camp about a collaboration with one of their main artists. We accepted, albeit apprehensively. On the day we went to their studio to record, me & the homie met up and talked. We mutually decided that we had better go strapped. What if this was a set up? (why would it be?) All the wrong thoughts were present. I then found myself packin my semi auto in the small of my back. We walked in the studio when we got there and guess what?
IT WAS NOTHING BUT LOVE!
Imagine that. I layed my verse with the heat on me that day not because it was something I did regularly. But because I had convinced myself that I may have to USE it that day. As it turns out, we ended up being great friends with those cats and remain in good relations to this day. So all that for what? Not a damn thing.
A few weeks later we were getting ready for a pre-album-release gig at one of our favorite local venues. We were asked to perform by another local music head that we was cool with so we go to rock the shit. I remember the songs we did that night involved street scenarios and gun totin' to the maximum. I didn't even have a gun that night! To make matters worse, the show went rather shitty and we weren't happy with our performance. We left the place and started to make our way home. It was me, my wife, my partner and his girl. Made a stop to pick up our kids from the baby sitters in the hood when all of the sudden we noticed we picked up a tail. A late model sedan was clearly following us we decided, as we pulled up to the house. The fu@* is this? Me and my dumb ass wanting to act all hard says: let's get out and see what these suckas want! Me & the homie jump out, fam still in the suburban, to confront this vehicle who had also stopped when we did. That's when my whole life flashed before my eyes.
2 black silhouette's stepped out of the car and raised their firearms at us, squeezing off rounds. They emptied their clips and as we ran for cover, I could hear bullets whizzing past my head and hitting the house, pulling up the ground around me. Right then I felt one pass through my left leg. I heard a *snap* and my leg bent forward, the opposite way and I hit the ground. I remember clawing at the ground, getting dirt under my nails as I dragged myself to the side of my crib. I thought for sure I was dead. And what about my family?!?!? Oh they better not hurt my family!!! Muthaf@*kas!! I heard them speed away down the street as my wife and the homie came to my assistance. I couldn't walk. I had a perfect hole the shape of a 9mm bullet in one side of my leg. The exit wound not so perfect. The eery thing is: I didn't bleed. Yet anyway. Joe would go on to say that I predicted it in my rhymes and that when I said "I pray you don't let my blood spill on the 'crete" on the song "I Will" off the GRUDGE Album...that that's exactly what happened.
Spooky right?
I can honestly say that I believe I DID bring about those circumstances in my life. Today, I keep the necessary home protection but you won't catch me walkin around wearing my gun cuz I think I'm hard with it. No sir. What we rap about - what we talk about, how we carry ourselves - can and WILL have a direct impact on our lives! I stand here today with a half titanium leg to tell you that it's not worth it. It's not easy making changes. I've been in the process of refinement ever since. The moral of the story is: as an artist, decide "who" you are first, then accept whatever comes your way as a result. Guys like to talk about being a gangster and doin' dirt. Ok. The truth is, the real killas are either dead or in prison. Moving in silence. Not saying a damn thing.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Fear.
"Ramirez! Roll it up".
I couldn't believe this day had actually come. I was being released from the California Department of Corrections. It was August 21st, 2001. I was sweating bullets for a week because the yard was "hot". Ongoing beef between the races was an everyday norm for prison life in California. And in the event the shit pop's off well, we ALL gotta get in it or get "dealt with" by your own. Even if you're on your way out the door. So I wasn't gonna feel "free" until I saw the other side of the gates. Needless to say, after all the ridin' I had done in the previous 6 years, I really REALLY hoped things wouldn't jump off until AFTER I paroled! And that ain't weak. That's just tired of the bullshit. I didn't sleep a wink the night before. I had been sleeping with my state boots on for 3 days already so yeah, you could say I was uneasy. I had a very good friend at the time who happened to be a black man. I learned a lot about music from him. He was a genuine talent and a very decent person. Our relationship was on the low and we were able to build quite a bit while staying on the under. He was one of the biggest motivating factors for me in my endeavors to get into the music business. I liked him. And I was gonna miss him. That night, before I got out, I had to meet him in the bathroom on the upper tier at about 3am to say peace. Because, had anybody seen me embracing with this man, there would have been hell to pay without a doubt. That was a "no no". As was sharing soups, cigarettes, soap, coffee or whatever else I had. The very action could get you killed.
By the grace of GOD, nothing popped off until 2 days after I left. As I was putting on my street clothes that my folks sent to me in the R&R, I remember the surreal feeling of putting on something other than the state blues I had become so accustomed to. It felt good! I remember walking out of the gates I had looked at for what felt like an eternity and thinking: I'm gonna make it. And I ain't NEVER coming back to this shit! This music shit...is my ticket to the big time. Nothing is going to stop me.
The drive from San Bernardino to Salt Lake was a long one. It was the 1st time in a long while that I had rode in a motor vehicle. But I didn't sleep at all the whole way home. I almost had motion sickness because we were going so fast on the freeway. Or at least that's what it felt like. I watched the road move beneath us, with each mile taking me farther away from a dark past that I would like to soon forget. I felt a resounding...fear. Fear of the unknown. In the coming weeks I could barely walk around in a grocery store without watching EVERYone and everything around me as I was used to. I had this big - RESPECT thing that I had embedded in my brain. It had become a part of everyday life. Inside, no matter what you did or said, you better show respect when you did it. Even something as small as a petty comment taken out of context would turn into a big deal in the joint. I found myself on both ends of an ass whoopin several times due to this very thing. So you could imagine my dismay when I touched down in the Lake and started mingling with the local hip hop community, going up in the club and getting my shoe stepped on with no apology. I didn't realize that THAT dude didn't know any better. But you better believe I chased him down to demand an apology! Or we could step outside. How stupid is that? This mentality was the opposing force that most embattled Mike Skilz in his endeavor to become a rap star. Learning how to let go of the prison mentality is something that I'll deal with until I'm dead and gone I'm afraid. This aspect of my institutionalized attitude hurt relationships that I tried to build with investors, producers, engineers, DJ's, fellow artists, promoters, radio staff and the list goes on. I realize that now. Now that it's too late.
I can only hope that those folks who I have rubbed in the wrong way will forgive me in the long run. I didn't know how to carry myself. I still struggle with this whole internet presence thing.
So I apologize. Sincerely.
And as far as you new artists, don't let your Mr. Bad-ass-I'm-from-the-streets-so-respect-me attitude get in the way of your business. Be humble. And realize that you will only get ahead if you play the game the right way. And SHOW respect. Instead of demanding it.
I couldn't believe this day had actually come. I was being released from the California Department of Corrections. It was August 21st, 2001. I was sweating bullets for a week because the yard was "hot". Ongoing beef between the races was an everyday norm for prison life in California. And in the event the shit pop's off well, we ALL gotta get in it or get "dealt with" by your own. Even if you're on your way out the door. So I wasn't gonna feel "free" until I saw the other side of the gates. Needless to say, after all the ridin' I had done in the previous 6 years, I really REALLY hoped things wouldn't jump off until AFTER I paroled! And that ain't weak. That's just tired of the bullshit. I didn't sleep a wink the night before. I had been sleeping with my state boots on for 3 days already so yeah, you could say I was uneasy. I had a very good friend at the time who happened to be a black man. I learned a lot about music from him. He was a genuine talent and a very decent person. Our relationship was on the low and we were able to build quite a bit while staying on the under. He was one of the biggest motivating factors for me in my endeavors to get into the music business. I liked him. And I was gonna miss him. That night, before I got out, I had to meet him in the bathroom on the upper tier at about 3am to say peace. Because, had anybody seen me embracing with this man, there would have been hell to pay without a doubt. That was a "no no". As was sharing soups, cigarettes, soap, coffee or whatever else I had. The very action could get you killed.
By the grace of GOD, nothing popped off until 2 days after I left. As I was putting on my street clothes that my folks sent to me in the R&R, I remember the surreal feeling of putting on something other than the state blues I had become so accustomed to. It felt good! I remember walking out of the gates I had looked at for what felt like an eternity and thinking: I'm gonna make it. And I ain't NEVER coming back to this shit! This music shit...is my ticket to the big time. Nothing is going to stop me.
The drive from San Bernardino to Salt Lake was a long one. It was the 1st time in a long while that I had rode in a motor vehicle. But I didn't sleep at all the whole way home. I almost had motion sickness because we were going so fast on the freeway. Or at least that's what it felt like. I watched the road move beneath us, with each mile taking me farther away from a dark past that I would like to soon forget. I felt a resounding...fear. Fear of the unknown. In the coming weeks I could barely walk around in a grocery store without watching EVERYone and everything around me as I was used to. I had this big - RESPECT thing that I had embedded in my brain. It had become a part of everyday life. Inside, no matter what you did or said, you better show respect when you did it. Even something as small as a petty comment taken out of context would turn into a big deal in the joint. I found myself on both ends of an ass whoopin several times due to this very thing. So you could imagine my dismay when I touched down in the Lake and started mingling with the local hip hop community, going up in the club and getting my shoe stepped on with no apology. I didn't realize that THAT dude didn't know any better. But you better believe I chased him down to demand an apology! Or we could step outside. How stupid is that? This mentality was the opposing force that most embattled Mike Skilz in his endeavor to become a rap star. Learning how to let go of the prison mentality is something that I'll deal with until I'm dead and gone I'm afraid. This aspect of my institutionalized attitude hurt relationships that I tried to build with investors, producers, engineers, DJ's, fellow artists, promoters, radio staff and the list goes on. I realize that now. Now that it's too late.
I can only hope that those folks who I have rubbed in the wrong way will forgive me in the long run. I didn't know how to carry myself. I still struggle with this whole internet presence thing.
So I apologize. Sincerely.
And as far as you new artists, don't let your Mr. Bad-ass-I'm-from-the-streets-so-respect-me attitude get in the way of your business. Be humble. And realize that you will only get ahead if you play the game the right way. And SHOW respect. Instead of demanding it.
Growth.
Summer Jam 2009. Salt Lake City, Utah.
So I'm sitting in the catering section at USANA ampitheatre where all the artists are eating, right next to Wiz Khalifa. He prayed before he ate. I admired this, not only because I also pray and give thanks before I receive the blessing of my next meal. But because in a room full of so called big shots and entertainers, there is no shame in it for Wiz. (Most cats think they are too cool for school at this level.) I'm seeing all these industry cats here today. Far East Movement. Play n Skills. Big time managers & label reps. Just then Bash walks in and is greeted by the room almost simultaneously by everyone. Like Norm from Cheers or something. He is very well liked & respected by his peers. I'm sitting there, in that moment, and it hits me. I realized in that very moment: I am knee deep in opportunity. So why am I so pissed off? Let me tell you.
For the previous 3+ years I had been investing my entire life into my music career. A career I was co-investing in with my partner. I had been rapping for 10 years but only began the serious hustle a few years prior. We formed the group LUMP SUM. And homie...It was all about the LUMP SUM. We changed the way music was being made in our backyard. We gave a voice to the streets of SLC. We had something different. And it was real. Leading up to this moment, we had quite the ride. An experience for sure. Let downs, setbacks and so forth. We also had some small successes, good reviews and some opportunities beginning to come about. What I am going to tell you here is in no way a complaint, but more so a 'lesson' learned by ME - so hopefully you don't have to go through that. Being in a group is hard. Anyone who has been a part of a group can testify to this. Creative energies, ideas & innovations clashing. Two artists co-painting the same picture. Imagine Van Gogh & Picasso working the same canvas. We were good. Maybe too good for our OWN good. Ha. Who knows. Anyways, several months prior to this opportunity I'm swimming in, the unthinkable happened. LUMP SUM broke up. Now I can sit here and point to many reasons, causes and what not that brought about this breaking up of the group. But no. This one rests squarely on my shoulders. I was a monster. Disagreeable. Argumentative. I became obsessed with the notion that my say - my input to the group was being undermined. Ignored. Not respected. I now realize that it was all in my mind but you couldn't tell me nothing back then. In all fairness it should be mentioned that I was also dealing with a pretty major drinking problem, intensifying the rage I felt when it was time to disagree. Now I'm already a passionate person. Throw gas on the flames and it's kaboom! Very long story short, me & my partner almost came to blows. It got personal. Then we disbanded. Now-fast forward to the Summer Jam. I was here in the capacity to help a fellow local artist who was performing and I was not about to just pack my act up and disappear. Not yet anyway. So I agreed to help out with the show. The reason I was salty is because ALL the work I had done to date - all the blood, sweat & tears I had put into this hustle involved LUMP SUM. I had no material to submit to anybody that I could get it to that was representative of just me. "Ok, so where's the other guy?" would be a question commonly asked. I can now see this for what it is and always was.
Completely.
And utterly...
Avoidable.
Right then - in THAT moment - it was OUR chance. OUR time. WE should have been there. Together. In all the things that transpired to get that very moment of opportunity to present itself, when it finally came, I found myself alone. Unprepared. This would lay the foundation for what was to come in the life of Mike Skilz in 2010. In the coming blog entries I will be telling you my experiences. Hopefully it can help you, my fellow artist who is maybe just starting out, to develop & accomplish what we set out to do in the 1st place.
Make it.
If I only knew then, what I know now. We've all said that before right? Hi. My name is Mike Ramirez. Some know me as Milez O'Keefe aka Ivory Mike. I'm a rapper. No, scratch that-I'm an MC. And I'm here to shed some light on the rise & fall of my ever so promising music career. The greatest MC to never make it.
So I'm sitting in the catering section at USANA ampitheatre where all the artists are eating, right next to Wiz Khalifa. He prayed before he ate. I admired this, not only because I also pray and give thanks before I receive the blessing of my next meal. But because in a room full of so called big shots and entertainers, there is no shame in it for Wiz. (Most cats think they are too cool for school at this level.) I'm seeing all these industry cats here today. Far East Movement. Play n Skills. Big time managers & label reps. Just then Bash walks in and is greeted by the room almost simultaneously by everyone. Like Norm from Cheers or something. He is very well liked & respected by his peers. I'm sitting there, in that moment, and it hits me. I realized in that very moment: I am knee deep in opportunity. So why am I so pissed off? Let me tell you.
For the previous 3+ years I had been investing my entire life into my music career. A career I was co-investing in with my partner. I had been rapping for 10 years but only began the serious hustle a few years prior. We formed the group LUMP SUM. And homie...It was all about the LUMP SUM. We changed the way music was being made in our backyard. We gave a voice to the streets of SLC. We had something different. And it was real. Leading up to this moment, we had quite the ride. An experience for sure. Let downs, setbacks and so forth. We also had some small successes, good reviews and some opportunities beginning to come about. What I am going to tell you here is in no way a complaint, but more so a 'lesson' learned by ME - so hopefully you don't have to go through that. Being in a group is hard. Anyone who has been a part of a group can testify to this. Creative energies, ideas & innovations clashing. Two artists co-painting the same picture. Imagine Van Gogh & Picasso working the same canvas. We were good. Maybe too good for our OWN good. Ha. Who knows. Anyways, several months prior to this opportunity I'm swimming in, the unthinkable happened. LUMP SUM broke up. Now I can sit here and point to many reasons, causes and what not that brought about this breaking up of the group. But no. This one rests squarely on my shoulders. I was a monster. Disagreeable. Argumentative. I became obsessed with the notion that my say - my input to the group was being undermined. Ignored. Not respected. I now realize that it was all in my mind but you couldn't tell me nothing back then. In all fairness it should be mentioned that I was also dealing with a pretty major drinking problem, intensifying the rage I felt when it was time to disagree. Now I'm already a passionate person. Throw gas on the flames and it's kaboom! Very long story short, me & my partner almost came to blows. It got personal. Then we disbanded. Now-fast forward to the Summer Jam. I was here in the capacity to help a fellow local artist who was performing and I was not about to just pack my act up and disappear. Not yet anyway. So I agreed to help out with the show. The reason I was salty is because ALL the work I had done to date - all the blood, sweat & tears I had put into this hustle involved LUMP SUM. I had no material to submit to anybody that I could get it to that was representative of just me. "Ok, so where's the other guy?" would be a question commonly asked. I can now see this for what it is and always was.
Completely.
And utterly...
Avoidable.
Right then - in THAT moment - it was OUR chance. OUR time. WE should have been there. Together. In all the things that transpired to get that very moment of opportunity to present itself, when it finally came, I found myself alone. Unprepared. This would lay the foundation for what was to come in the life of Mike Skilz in 2010. In the coming blog entries I will be telling you my experiences. Hopefully it can help you, my fellow artist who is maybe just starting out, to develop & accomplish what we set out to do in the 1st place.
Make it.
If I only knew then, what I know now. We've all said that before right? Hi. My name is Mike Ramirez. Some know me as Milez O'Keefe aka Ivory Mike. I'm a rapper. No, scratch that-I'm an MC. And I'm here to shed some light on the rise & fall of my ever so promising music career. The greatest MC to never make it.
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